She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
