At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
