It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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