A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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