Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
