Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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