we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
