You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
