How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
