Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
