Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
