i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
