It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
