You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
