my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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