went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
