Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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