We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
