He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
