I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
