i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
