Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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