haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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