My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
