One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
