Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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