What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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