So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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