I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
