We won't sleep together?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
