I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had sex on a roof
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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