Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
this hospital has no fireball
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
