that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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