A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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