I faked an abortion last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she pinky promised me she was 18
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
