Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
