Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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