I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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