Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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