Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
