My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
