So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
