My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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