I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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