hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
