i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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