I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
