Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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