NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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