wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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