i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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