I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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