So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
