I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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