I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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