the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
