u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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