I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
