Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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