How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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