I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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