Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
