He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
