I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
