guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found your dick twin last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
