How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
