I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize