JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize