why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
