oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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